jay-did's six privacy commandments

privacy, yeah, who really has it, huh? jay-did's six privacy commandments are guided by the following axiom offered by my father, may he rest in peace.

"disappointment is the bastard child of high-expectations" - j-diddly sr.

1. the sooner you accept that none of us really enjoys any authentic privacy the better off you will be
2. generally you should lock the bathroom or shed door while masturbating or inspecting your privates
3. blow the pot smoke out the window if you don't want to get hassled. and wash your hands dummy, everybody can smell it
4. double check your fly is up when you enter a room
5. for the most perceivably private experience, stay in a sensory depravation chamber
6. use your brain, for God's sake (should you have one - either a God or a brain)